Dec, 2017 at 9:43 pm # Looking back, I can see a pattern of dating extroverted, successful men with whom I felt comfortable playing the role of cheerleader. When a person with borderline personality disorder experiences loneliness and a lack of social support, their symptoms are at their worst. I didnt know it at the time, but I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. But emotionally Im beginning to feel very drained, and I just wish I could help, but I cant. This can be very painful, where it is hard to function and enjoy life. And I am worried my son may have this. I keep going over it in my head my brain just cant accept it. She has all the Reasons her life sucks and she needs more support, and I do agree that my life is easier (single mom vs happily married, different levels of income and family support, etc). Any suggestions? If you need support right now, call theSuicide Prevention Lifelineat1-800-273-8255. Got hit by a car. Offer support to your loved one through their struggle. She took her life last Monday and her kids 4 found her when they got back from their dads. She says that I am making great progress. Shes still very much alive but she still struggles with making friends because of those experiences she had to go through. I had always been a happy person: confident, extroverted, logical, reasonably intelligent that was my personality. You text someone and dont hear back as soon as you would like to, and then you start thinking: Plans being cancelled also triggers off these same questions and feelings. Getting treatment can feel (sometimes quite literally) like hitting your head against a brick wall but please know that there are people out there who will understand and want to help, its just a matter of finding them. I want to make people more aware of the struggles we have and help end the stigma associated with mental health. Learn to notice when you identify with the bad person you are alleged to be. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. How could I have been so selfish as to not have looked into it more??? I knew to call Mum when an episode started. Take threats of self-harm seriously. One time he painted me black, which is devaluation, it was horrible, he had no idea why he hated me with such rage after he came to a realization that he extremely idealized me, and simultaneously felt guilty and compelled to stop hurting me, as he put it. All Rights Reserved. He directs his rage internally, and at that time just stopped talking to me and wouldnt even look at me some days. But Im doing my part reading up on BPD. You're not obligated to her in the least because she has BPD. Without even noticing, the person with BPD might successfully transfer his or her chaotic state to the other, meaning that suddenly the other might feel even worse than the one who has this disorder. Having aspbergers, I feel like animals understand me better than humans and I feel like I understand animals moreso than humans. I completely understand the copying behavior and how frustrating that is. They act impulsively from a young age, even though we can only diagnose this disorder once the person is 18 years old. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. While it's always in our best interest to help someone with BPD, sometimes its best to set boundaries. Even if you disagree, you can still express your understanding of their situation. And then follow through do not continue engaging her on the phone or in person if shes acting that way. As my dad once told me, When the sh*t hits the fan there are two types of people: the ones who stand by you and the ones who duck. If you stand by someone going through a mental health crisis you are not going to come out clean. If people treated others with respect and fairness, a lot of people with BPD wouldnt have it to begin with! She will project everything she is guilty of onto those closest to her in order to avoid blame. Remove yourself. There is hardly anything as effective as setting crystal clear, hard boundaries with a person who suffers from BPD. Clearview Treatment Programs is a premier provider of treatment for people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), mental health disorders, addictions, and dual diagnosis. He works a full-time job and lives with his girlfriend and son, I work full-time and live alone. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Her behavior has become increasingly erratic over the last year culminating in suicidal ideation to gain attention. It is standard for people to experience this with their loved one having BPD. Now I have to get her to stop telling me the same thing five times in one conversation. Sometimes out of nowhere I get this unbearable, stomach-churning urge to hurt myself, just to relieve the heightened painful emotions I feel. We put out a post if one of us is going under, and you can guarantee one of the 17,000 members will respond and lend an ear. About 10 percent of people with BPD commit suicide, so take note if you see signs of suicidal behavior. I dont know what to do. Press J to jump to the feed. https://www.tiktok.com/@notsorryloveloriOh, Authenticity. dont assume good times or bad times will be forever, he changes his outlook on life frequently. Positive Psychology: Is It "Saccharine Terrorism"? I say this because my friend feels unconditional love from pets and if you saw how much love my friend has for these pets, you would be amazed with how big a heart my friend has. Youll be able to develop a sense of trust and respect between you when both parties respect the boundaries, which are essential components of any lasting relationship. Just out my son in college so I am completely alone. Imagine keeping up with these constant feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness it is sometimes too much to bear and you just want to shut off. Pingback: Abandonment Issues in People with BPD | Borderline Personality Treatment. All I know is that no matter what I do or say, no matter how nice or mean I am, I am always the bad guy just because I have BPD. My heart hurts for her kids. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Generally-speaking there are nine signifiers/symptoms of BPD. -DO NOT get angry back or even fake angry (I was so frustrated once I pretended to yell at him to see if. She said she got her real estate license. 2: Do not try to endure your suffering alone. I tend to be very emotionally tuned in to people, and I feel as if I lived what he goes through in his downturns in my own experiences. She told me her father has cancer. Because of a lack of control over their emotions, people with borderline personality disorder can immediately build intense hatred for a person they have strong emotional attachments with. explain how you feel firmly and with facts I just learned a friend has bpd. Maintain a calm and supportive environment. Also, personality disorders are a different category than most mental illnesses. Sometimes she praises me as her greatest friend and how thankful she is to have me in her life (which honestly feels a tad over dramatic and phoney whenever she says it). Talk to your friends. when hes in a funk I tell him I know he will be ok and I leave him to it, this is called de-escalating So negative all the time. They dont want to see me. I went through a horrible divorce 5 years ago and have major depression. It was a cry for help to help him get his wife some knowledge about his condition. However exhausting living with BPD is, it comes with a vast amount of empathy, sensitivity and compassion for others. It is such despair, hopelessness, and confusion. What can you do after Valentines Day to make your sweetheart happy? I really felt used bc looking back now she was just being borderline by coming over every second she would be alone at home. This is one of a series of exclusive stories that we are highlighting as part of the Time To Change See The Bigger Picture campaign, led by the mental health charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, which aims to end stigma around talking about mental health. For other people, these urges can be to drink, do drugs, act on suicidal thoughts, go on spending sprees or binge eat, to name a few. Leave would be my advice. I make sure he knows I will never leave him This subreddit is an abuse support forum. Being friends with someone with BPD can be challenging and complex. However exhausting living with BPD is, it comes with a vast amount of empathy, sensitivity and compassion for others. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Id reach out to let her know that I was no longer at the helm of my own body and that the illness had taken over for a gruelling nightshift. I love him very, very much, but he is becoming an emotional drain in my life and in my family. I was grateful for the label nonetheless. It was 3 months of hell on us both and that was when I started educating myself about BPD. I have BPD, and I do my best to not be the person everybody pictures when they think BPD. They're notoriously hard to treat and patients with these disorders often have no interest in changing their behavior because they don't believe anything they do is wrong. People with BPD are exhausting as they tend to cross your boundaries. People who have BPD often suffer, but so do the people around them. I have lost quite a few life long friends these past 7 years since he left. But she slowly started the devaluation process about a year ago and its been awful for me. Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D., is the author of A Unified Theory of Happiness. I was a danger only to myself. Making accommodations for someone's mental illness isn't the same as enabling someone's personality. But Im not allowed to feel anything, because she hurts more. It is standard for people to experience this with their loved one having BPD. Her attention seeking has increased and I believe she is now manufacturing crisis and events in her life when we talk. Stop being as interesting and sharing then she will mostly lose interest soon after. My friend was the sweetest person ever before she turned into someone I almost found it hard to stand by. I hung up on her as I said I would. Michael, Karen Lees post isnt disgusting. I would never wish this illness on anyone. Now that shes gone, the emotional support is about 90:10; for every one time she asks me how Im doing, Im checking in with her 9 times. Being friends with someone who exhibits self-destructive behaviors can be emotionally exhausting. I have a dear friend who has helped me through so much on my journey to wholeness, these past two years. She doesnt deserve to be cut out of my life, or anyone elses, but I do not deserve this abuse either. its NOT your fault or his, the blame lies squarely on abuses in his past The good news is, usually the symptoms of BPD lessen over time, especially when the person is supported in psychotherapy and psychiatry. Youre angry, upset or want to hurt yourself (just to name a few). When I finally got the BPD diagnosis, it was a relief. Standing Up To A Borderline Explained | How Exhausting Is A Friend With BPD? Females tend to act out the aggression against themselves with self-harm and suicidal ideation; males are more likely to externalize and act out the aggression against others or things. Do not let anybody rob you of the space needed to participate fully in your life. Sometimes, certain things may trigger them to self-destruct. She was my only friend as I have trouble making friends. Set boundaries best interest to help him get his wife some knowledge about his.! And complex behaviors can be emotionally exhausting is now manufacturing crisis and events in life. Bc looking back now she was just being Borderline by coming over every second would., sensitivity and compassion for others years since he left or want to hurt,... 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