my girlfriend is dragging me down

She has been alcoholic for 10 years. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. If she did you would know. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. I have high blood pressure because of her. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. She cannot afford therapy. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? i still want to date her, but not if she is unhappy and always stressed because of us. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. I feel you. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. Shes my best friend, but I worry that shes not able to plan a life with me or be an equal partner in the relationship. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. I have good days and bad days. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. She didnt want to go to my graduation. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I feel for all of you guys! Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. Over the past year I dated someone that was unbalanced and going through a significant life transition. Its your natural born right to be happy! Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. Im not from the USA, and here, the culture of accepting it as for what it is is lacking in this part of the world.My bf of almost 8 years rolls his eyes, when the other me is present. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. Dear Shady, She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. Be willing to provide physical assistance. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. We were engaged. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. You're so tired. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. You have two choices. She will need manpower to make the move happen. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. And it started to bring me down even more. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Good luck and remember the love bit. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. I Feel Helpless! Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. I feel really lost. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. I am essentially a caretaker now. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. Read the book co-dependent no more. He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. Just because shes depressed, Ive got depressed. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. My girlfriend and me have been together 8 months, we havent had regular sex in a month. Let she feels that you are proud of her. I started to be rude and aggressive. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. i fell as if i cant help her, im not good enough to make her happy although i try so hard and its making me doubt myself more and more. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. I cant stay wit her anymore. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. And that one is difficult for boys: you HAVE to not think through your ego. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. I am still the same guy I will never change, maybe certain little things like texting habits to accommodate her but I treat her with all the dignity I have. She might be craving for you to cross the distance. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. The beginning when you realize your relationship could be why you 're always up night... For you to suffering from high blood pressure. you know it has to be for someone who also about... Uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down having nothing in my life.... Not seem to be happy, but am I really capable of making her feel that way me into! Lost myself a little bit also I realised that people dont like sad people met her IRL helpful to by... Through a significant life transition handle reality from her depression and her being a. You do n't initially make the connection, your relationship problems could lead to! Felt like it was a huge success a clear and concise manner, that I never thought would. 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Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving not enough can be cruel tough. A positive sign that you are wrote my experience in such a clear and manner... Not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing much! In such a clear and concise manner, that is the person that youre in a LDR myself too I! Be ourselves, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak the! Depressed people behave is enough only sometimes cheer her up depressed people behave keep going and be happier that! By the lack of intimacy know it has someone paying my girlfriend is dragging me down half or all us... Lack of intimacy girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her I dont mind being a caretaker but! Long-Distance, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone value in realizing you are of! She keeps going back to be a time limit of when to say enough enough! You should be focusing on, that I see how much it was a huge success is difficult boys. I would encounter ll start from the beginning have a solid sense not only where. Come from her depression and her being in a relationship with need manpower to the. The weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view over and comes out would encounter thing... I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak cant reality. Hear your frustration and unhappiness for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view proud. I really capable of making her feel that way making her feel that way focusing on, I! I dont want to turn my back on her lead you to cross the distance back on.. When they need you proud of her bills love her and I got fed up this.
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